


Wibbly Wobbly

by RhymePhile



Category: Oz (TV), Torchwood
Genre: Banter, Crossover, Gen, Humor, Sexual Content, Wordcount: 100-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-01
Updated: 2009-05-01
Packaged: 2017-10-12 09:37:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/123482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhymePhile/pseuds/RhymePhile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The moment the inmates of Oz discover that Jack Harkness is an undercover agent, and not a true con</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wibbly Wobbly

"Really, Ianto, don't get your knickers in a twist."

"They're...leering, Jack."

"Leering is just a fonder way of saying hello."

Ianto smacked a groping hand away from his ass. "They're _touching_ now."

"You got two minutes to tell us who you are," growled Jaz Hoyt, "or I start having fun with your girl."

"Girl?"

"He means you, Ianto," Jack whispered.

"Oh, dear."

"Kids, kids, let's just all relax, huh?" Jack called out to the gathering throng of inmates. "There's no reason to overreact here."

"There's a giant blue box in the middle of the cell block, pretty boy," sneered Schillinger.

"Yeah," Jack agreed, tapping his Vortex Manipulator on his wrist. "Something weird happened there..."

"I have no idea how it happened," Ianto said. "One moment I was standing in the Hub with the Doctor, telling him how you were halfway across the continent at some prison colony, and the next thing I'm here."

Hoyt grunted and sniffed at Ianto. "I bet you're a screamer, what with that tight little white ass of yours."

"I rather value my tight little white ass, Jack," Ianto said urgently.

"Are you some kind of cop?" Busmalis asked.

"Not really, more of a free agent..."

"You've been here for weeks. Like an FBI agent?" Schillinger asked.

"No, I..."

"Jaaaack," Ianto warned. "The natives are getting restless and that bald, tattooed fellow keeps licking his lips at me."

"Well it's your fault the TARDIS is here."

"It's not my fault you wanted to experience prison life as a, and I quote, 'Fun diversion from worrying about the aliens all the time,' unquote."

"Nevermind," Jack said. "We need to get out of here."

"Really," Ianto said sarcastically.

Jack addressed the inmates. "Gentlemen, thank you for your interest and concern, but we really need to be going."

"Going where?" Schillinger snarled. "You're in the middle of Oz, peckerwood."

They slowly made their way to the TARDIS door.

"What's a peckerwood?"

"Shut up," Jack hissed.

"Is this going to work?" Ianto whispered, smiling and trying to smack Hoyt's errant fingers away from his ass crack.

"GO!" Jack shouted, pushing Ianto through the door and jumping in after him.

In a moment the TARDIS was back at the Hub, where the Doctor sat relaxing on the threadbare couch.

"Well!" he exclaimed happily. "Have enough of that, did we?"

"Yes," grumbled Ianto. "Thanks for appointing me as rescue squad without mentioning anything."

"Not at all," the Doctor said. "Jack is needed here. All this flitting about across the universe is my job, after all."

"Agreed," Jack said. "Too much of a good thing is never healthy."

"What good thing?" Ianto asked, confused.

"Good things called Toby and Chris. Long story. See you tomorrow, kids."

The Doctor and Ianto stood there together, staring after Jack's back.

"I think you need to take that Vortex Manipulator away from him," Ianto muttered.


End file.
